rematch - la marathon

number 4 is in the books.  i had a rematch with 26.2 in the streets of los angeles on sunday and based on how my legs feel today i might say the streets won.  based on my time i'll call it a tie.

i sat down to write the race report yesterday, started typing and stopped.  i hit delete and went to bed.

i hit delete because the entire post was negative.  the entire post.

the race report on the marathon is short.  the weather was supposed to be rainy, cold, and windy.  in fact, i sat at lunch the day prior talking myself out of even participating.  for those that know me they realize this was never ACTUALLY going to happen but i wanted a buffer in case i crashed and burned.   so i complained, got myself a handicap and prayed to the holy heavens that the wind and rain would not screw up my hopes of doing well.   my coach, said to me before the race "you are not a runner, you are a triathlete"  not a runner?  that is all i've ever known was to be a runner.  in addition, to this new conversation with my coach, i had another conversation with my friend jonathan who mentioned something about boston marathon and qualifying and just like i downplay everything else i think my response was "oh i have no desire to qualify for boston"

so here is what was supposed to happen...

i wasn't supposed to go out like a competitive freak and start the first 6 miles wondering if my garmin was off because there was no way in hell i was running 7:30 miles in a MARATHON! then it wasn't supposed to be perfect running conditions with blue skies and minimal wind.   i wasn't supposed to look up in a sea of 25,000 at the start line and happen to be standing literally right next to jonathan who i left 20 minutes prior.  for the record, i also wasn't supposed to catch up to him running through echo park.  it was a bitter sweet moment because as much as my competitive drive was excited to be up there with the 3:25 pace group i knew i had no business being there that early in the game.  for the life of me i couldn't slow down, i knew i had to, i knew it was going to break me later in the course but i couldn't do it. so i kept moving and then we hit beverly hills.  i knew only one persons exact location on the course and it was that of my awesome friend, jackie glenn.  she is an athlete herself and always a support system for me while running.  she mentioned she would be outside of neimann.  i looked for her with as much excitement as i search for joe joe's at Christmas time in Trader Joes.  i needed something to keep me going.  i saw her i think before she even saw me and i screamed "jackie!"  i got the push i needed for another few miles.

and then it hit me.  oddly enough right outside of my old office.  that sure as hell wasn't supposed to happen either.

there comes a time when you are out there on the course that you start to question everything.  you question your ability.  your reason for being  there. you have a mind set of what is supposed to happen.

but as with anything in life, we need to learn to adapt.  so i beat myself up yesterday for being on track for a 3:30 or even a 3:40 and dropping to a finish of 3:55.  and i'll take it. it's still a PR (new york was 3:58)  and like many things these past few years.  nothing was SUPPOSED to happen, but it did.  and that is why i'm now a triathlete.

oh and my boston qualifier?  its 3:40 which i googled just as soon as i got home that night.  i'm thinking i'll see beantown in 2013.

space book and podiums

one week ago tomorrow marks the beginning of lent and my attempt at no facebook for 40 days.

as a child, i remember going to the school chapel and having ashes placed on my forehead each ash wednesday. back then, the only thing it "signified" was something i had to do without, something i had to give up.   on occasion i gave up sweets and then later in life gave a run at no cursing until i realized that working on a trading floor would make that impossible, probably even for Jesus himself.

every year i would try and every year i would make it on average 3-4 days and give up.  eventually i got to the point where lent would come and go and so i gave up, giving up.

people ask me all the time "have you always been an athlete?"   this question is difficult for me to answer because up until earlier this year, even after two ironman finishes and a sub 4 hour NYC marathon in less than 6 months, i still had a hard time calling myself an athlete.   the answer to this question is yes and no.  yes, my parents had me on the soccer field while all my girlfriends were off trying to meet their thin mint quotas.  in fact, i have several soccer photos with me being the one and only girl on the team. then, i used sports as leverage to leave catholic school for the local public school (there were sports at the public school and there were also boys!)  and then again in high school i was chasing  my sister around the lacrosse field and also chasing the social scene with the same drive and determination.  i was the only person in high school that could talk her way out of a detention i received as a direct result of TALKING in class.

And no, because i always felt like there were people better than me, faster than me and that meant that i wasn't an athlete.  i was wrong.  it took me 34 years to figure it out but last weekend i made the podium for the first time ever in a race. first place, a small race but i'll take it.  turns out there are people i'm faster than, quite a few actually.  and today marks 6 days with no facebook.

success, its a beautiful thing.

trust your struggle

sometimes life seems to move at warp speed.  days turn into weeks, months into years. and for a long time it seemed that nothing was changing at all for me.  it was if the world was moving and i was standing still.

stuck.

one year ago i signed up for a triathlon training camp in st george utah.  my reason being it would allow me to preview the ironman course and hold me accountable to do so. i went into the experience with the expectation of getting in a very expensive four day workout.

what i came away with, was much, much more.  i started to move that weekend literally and emotionally.  i let my guard down, felt a few (not all) weights lift and met my utah "family".  and less than a year later i found myself exiting the 15 North Freeway on my way to St. George, once again to race.

when i started "racing" in 2000 it was for a 10 miler down broad street in philadelphia.  i had hopes of just finishing and now this, a 10 miler,  is my training run.  the day before my first ironman i received numerous texts, emails and phone calls from people that humbled me in a way that is unimaginable. one of these emails came from my oldest sister who would send me pictures at the most pivotal points in my life,  the first being when i had my heart broken and the second when i went to repair it.  i recall the day vividly it was the day before ironman and i had drug my mom around to every last training event there was, she was a trooper.   my sister sent me an email with a picture that said "trust your struggle".  it was in that moment that i broke into tears and was overcome for the first time with ultimate emotion.  its true that when you feel you have nothing else to lose, as i felt that day, that you can achieve whatever lies before you. because the alternative is really nothing worse than what you have already experienced.  

if i failed it wouldn't matter because whatever was next was better than where i had been.  two years later i'm ready to admit that, ready to face the fear and ready to move on.

i've since been killing PR's like it was my second job.  i've come to the conclusion that no matter what lies ahead is only because one year ago i decided to "trust my struggle", dig deep and accomplish.

the road is long from here, i know that.  and as robert frost once said:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

st george was just another city on the map.  it was in utah and that was all i knew.  today its my ultimate inspiration.

the past: is just that.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

-Theodore Roosevelt

on december 31, 2010 at midnight i was asleep.  i wanted the entire year washed away so quickly that i think i thought if i slept through the ball drop into 2011 i could sleep away the events of the preceding 365 days.  it didn't work.   

on december 31, 2011 at midnight i was in a very different place, hollywood to be exact, but a very different place all together more importantly.

among other things i've decided this year to get serious.  serious.  yes, serious about racing.  i said before, in prior posts and my pre 2012 life that i wasn't going to become "that racer", "that triathlete", "that person"  whatever any of those meant exactly it wasn't going to be me.  however, in a very short period of time i've realized that i actually can become that person.  i can reach the time goals i never set because i thought no one, including myself,  ever believed it was possible.  the years were more like a grand brigade of self pity,  i suppose.  and then i spent a few hours with a great deal of support that God sent to me, i thought about things i never thought about  and realized i might actually be capable of all these things.  in life AND in racing.

its true we all have to deal with reality of situations.  reality of life.  which perhaps then is pure irony or God's awesome sense of humor rearing its head that he brought me to a place called Reality LA.  i'll let you do the googling and won't profess to any what i've come to know. but through this new "reality", new guides that i humbly call friends and new life that i'm about to get started on, the race calendar which used to include nothing but races i thought would look "good on paper"  has now become my step to the greater part of whats ahead.  because it's not about the past.  it never was, really.  it was always about the future.  my future.  the greater plan.

this evening i overheard a friend close a casual phone conversation with God Bless.  i liked it.  so to all my guides, my support, and my dream givers (you know who you are)

thank you and God Bless.  

finally a race report - IMCZ

i guess its time for the race report although my race reports never seem to be what the typical race report is supposed to be.  i will start there. this journey was nothing like it was "supposed" to be.  in the past year i've learned more than i ever thought possible, then i ever dreamed.  i never imagined training for two ironmans and completing two ironmans all in the same year.  when new years eve hit on 2011 i was more ready than anyone to start the new year.  i lost a love, a spent some time alone and very scared, i saw my sister get married and battle a son's diagnoses with autism, i watched as my oldest sister and brother in law as they waited... and waited.... and waited... re routed their process... and waited some more... to finally receive the news that they would be parents, i lost friends, i comforted friends who lost parents, i watched cancer take people away, i trusted myself to head out on my own only to find the greatest strength was myself, i questioned my ability, i questioned my being, i found support with people that were strangers just one year prior.  i believed in my journey and i found it brought me to this....

here is my journey. my race report. my second ironman finish in less than 12 months.

cozumel mexico ironman 2011.

it was a tricky start, this time i didn't have my mom.  she couldn't come nor could anyone elses support system.  that is hard, not to have people to anticipate being at certain points in the course it changes the way i race, it changes the finish line experience, and it changes the outcome but the irony in this was really the greatest part of the race.  i set out on this journey trying to prove something to someone else.  the whole reason i signed up for an ironman was out of spite.  yes spite.  it got me up every hill and to every camp without a doubt.  but for mexico i decided i was on my own.  i hadn't been racing or competing or "just getting to the finish line" for very long.  pre st george i had only done 3 other triathlons.   i ran before i knew how to do that part.  the bike was my struggle, but i was going to "trust it", the swim was just something to get through.

again, i've said it a million times before, i train and race with high caliber people.  i race with the best and i didn't or don't train like the best.  this race taught me that if i do, i can.

leading up to the race i felt great, not nervous. i had been sick for a straight 3 weeks prior and developed pleurisy, which i'm still to this day battling.  it sucks.  but my legs and body were otherwise in good shape.  i didn't log the hours i did for st george but i wasn't stupid either.  this is a very thin line when participating in these events.

RACE DAY
we woke up and headed out in our matching kits, swim start was a in water jump off the dock clear water start.  i took it in and got hit, kicked and punched the entire 2.4 miles.  my googles fogged up,  came off and water got in them which if i had to guess a calculation would say it cost me 5 minutes.  i knew where i was in the swim and stuck on the heels and hip of any guy (or girl respectively) that would allow for it.  transition was a bitch.  i pretty much took a shower for fear of late day chaffing, couldn't find sunscreen and then couldn't locate my bike in the mess of a maze.  I ended up with a 12 minute T1.

i got on the bike and killed the first lap.  i was an average 17.5 which is fast for me, i tried my best not to get caught up in all the drafting but it was useless and not being called so i just went with it.  the north end of the island was nothing but  clear blue water hitting the rocks and me.  amazing.  second lap i felt okay too, third lap the sickness hit, the head wind picked up to 20+ mph and in the distance i saw the  black cloud overlay.  i was puking every 10 minutes, lost my water cage, and was feeling like i couldn't finish.  i was emotionally spent and started to cry.  once i started i couldn't stop and then i thought about just finishing i could do this, i told myself.  mile 100 i hit the rain.  the hurricane rain.  it was brutal and the streets were flooded and it was hard to see where i was even going at that point.

i exited the bike with high hopes for my run.  i got to T2 and hit the run hard.   its 3 laps and raining. hard.  i headed out through town working off most of the energy from the crowd.  the water tasted gross and was in plastic bags that i had to bite the plastic off of. i was getting sick again and the porta a potty's weren't helping.  trust me i won't go into details here but triathletes have a great knack for "missing" anything and everything when it comes to those things.  i got lapped by a team member but it was a bitter sweet lap because it was a familiar face on the course.  i pushed through.  thinking mostly of my nephew, dangisoironman"

and i crossed the finish line in a a sub 14.  i was disappointed. i was disappointed in myself.  but i finished and i learned.  i will continue to learn, continue to beat what i always thought was unbeatable.

its okay......

i've learned its okay to wear your medal
its okay to wear your shirt
its okay to keep on that bracelet until it literally falls off your wrist
its okay to eat cookies and drink every margarita known to man when you finish
its okay to cry on the bike and the run and the swim
its okay to test yourself
its okay to let yourself down just to pick yourself back up
you will find something that you once deemed impossible
you will get that strength you never thought you had
you will do things that others can't imagine
you will push yourself to the limit
the mantra is in your mind
the mantra is your struggle
the mantra is one foot in front of the other
the race report is written in your head long before you cross that finish line
a test of yourself
a test of the elements
the course may be long
you will want to quit
you will want to give up
but you WILL dig deeper
you will PUSH harder
you will Be an IRONMAN!

and you will swear you will NEVER sign up for another one
but of course you will
because crossing that finish line never, never gets old.

arrival de cozumel

day before race - the nerves have set in, i've quieted down (yes this is possible), and i've retreated to the poolside for some alone time.

the trip here was uneventful which is exactly what i planned for.  i met the crew at denver airport and we flew into cozumel together.  if you have never stood along baggage claim with a bunch of triathletes waiting for their bikes i don't reccomend it, its not a pretty site, especially when your groups bikes are literally the last 7 out of the airplane.

the resort is incredible.  hot tub, literally in the room, hammock on said balcony, and an endless pool with food and drink service throughout 24 hours.  what ironman?!?

we swam and did a practice ride yesterday, and a practice swim today at 7.  i felt great on the bike and the jelly fish seemed to have stung everyone but me.  i'm not thinking to clearly at the moment so this update is short.  my apologies.  thank you all once again for your guidence, support, and letting me belivie in what i always think is the impossible.  tomorrow i'll swim, ride and run for all of you as i continue to "trust my struggle"

and here we go again.....

just a quick blog update as i  get ready to head to Cozumel, Mexico for my second ironman competition.   this adventure is very different from the last for several reasons,  i'm doing it for a different reason this time around, myself.   i'm coming off a 2 week sickness and just returned from begging my doctor for stronger drugs, i won.  the bike is pulled apart in pieces, in a bike box the size of me and ready to have me drag it across the terminal at LAX at 6 am tomorrow.  free entertainment for anyone else flying out tomorrow

and oh yes, and this one is in Mexico. 

i also never thought on a day that in my 20's i spent celebrating at the local bars for "the biggest drinking night of the year"  would years later be the night i was getting myself ready  for my second ironman race in less than a year.   (race term used lightly of course)  

so here we go again....... next race update from mexico,  i hope they have cranberry sauce.  

dream

i think i smiled the entire way.

i arrived in new york on the red eye and went straight to the hotel.  i grabbed a WSJ, a cup of coffee and cleared my head in the 40 degree weather that awaited me outside, i took a stroll through battery park and contemplated on visiting ground zero, still not ready.  i walked along the water front instead, stopped at the dedicated gardens sat and cried for bit.  i wasn't sure at that point if i was crying for 9/11 or crying because i'd made it here.  i cried a lot that day but none of those tears were sad.  they were just emotions.  emotions of the empowerment of a single city.  emotions of what i really think of as home.  i wandered back to the hotel and met my family who made the drive and train ride up the east side.

i thought of writing a full race report.  trying to describe what it feels like to start off on the verazzano in the toll lane with 47,000 others. what it felt like to hear languages from all over the world while running, seeing a blind woman being led by her husband at mile 22, holding hands. what it feels like to run up the bridge and into the bronx and slapping high fives with every single person under 4 feet.  the smiles on their faces were as big as mine.  gratitude is a large part of what i feel today. i loved every second of every minute of every mile.  new york you might really be my home in another life.

i anticipated this race to be epic. and it was.  i sometimes felt alone in a sea of 47,000? this is epic.  this race was epic. those supporters were epic.  and i'll be carrying on with this smile for a long long while.

you stopped for us and i can only hope we delivered.

5 boroughs and me

i don't think i've been this excited for something since i awoke to find my sea princess bike with lurkey from rainbow brite on the handlebars Christmas morning back in the 80's.   

a thought crossed my mind a long while back that i wanted to run 26.2 miles.  a marathon.  but like most things i set out to accomplish i have to be different. i choose the challenge over the constant.  cruelty over convenience.  i like it that way, it keeps life interesting and keeps me from getting caught up in the ease of it.
so i decided on the mecca of all marathons (yes better than boston, in my humble opinion)  it was a marathon that was close to home, it was a marathon that was in that city.  yes THAT CITY.

new york! new york! - staten island. brooklyn. bronx. queens. manhattan.  

i knew that this was not easy task to take on.  there was the physical part of running 26.2 miles alone. but this was more than a marathon, this was an event. an event that i  had to do. it was my home.  i've always felt this strange bond with new york even though i'm pretty sure i wouldn't know what letter of the alphabet line runs from any part, of any corner, to any borough.  but i love it.   in addition,  i would need to qualify or make it through this lottery of sorts.  so i dreamed, i kept dreaming, and i kept on keeping on.  while i waited i ran Los Angeles and San Diego, i did an ironman, i ran what seems like a million 10k's always still hoping, still dreaming, that one day I too, could run through central park as a new york city marathon runner. 

this video pretty much sums it up (thanks suzie for sharing)  and thank you New York for allowing me to become a part of you on sunday, even if its only for 26.2.
NYC Marathon Alex Baldwin prorez from Marc Beroza on Vimeo.

Pumpkinman Half Iron Race Report

count the number of times i've said "okay this is my last race"  you will run out of fingers and toes very quickly when answering.

i signed up for a half ironman two weeks before the race.  this makes me smile.  it makes me smile for two reasons.  1.  because i never thought i'd be "that person" randomly signing up for a half ironman 2 weeks before race day.  and 2. because i can't figure out if i'm stupid or just crazy.  as many know i started this triathlon game two years ago.  i never rode a bike prior to then, i hadn't swam since i was 8, and my running was whenever i felt like the swag in a race negated the entry fee. until i met my friend marci, she patiently (emphasis on patiently) answered all my questions about that "crazy ironman" race she was doing in Wisconsin.  and i was in an instant inspired, thinking maybe one day i could do that too.  maybe one day.  so i'd casually log on to the ironman website looking at race locations.  then something else happened and spite kicked in.  i logged on again and wouldn't you know registration had just opened for st george utah ironman.  i knew nothing about the course, nothing about training, and certainly nothing about what was to come.  

and so i finished st george with one sprint and one olympic under my belt and signed up for cozumel.  

in between i met these crazy kids from utah who pretty much all place in every race they do.  they are in a word.  incredible.  i brag about them (probably close to 20 of them now)  in every conversation i have about triathlons, marathons, and life.  their hearts are as big as as my competitive drive and they seem to always keep track of every race everyone is doing and offer support.  i mention this because this is why i found myself once again signing up for a race i swear i'd never do.  Pumpkinman 70.3. 

Friday.  

I bailed out of work early to head up to henderson, nv.  i met up with tori (one of these amazing utah gnomes) we grabbed our packets, ate some carbs and headed to bed.  in between i flagged down the powertri guy at the hotel for a pair of goggles since guess who forgot hers??!  at least it wasn't my bike this time.  

Saturday.  Race Day. 

Tori and I got there early and had plenty of time to get ready, apply sunscreen, and enough time for Tori to convince me that i'd be okay swimming 1.2 miles with no wetsuit.   it was an in water start guys before girls. once again i was amazed at the number of women competing, just a handful of us.  already i was feeling accomplished.  the swim went great.  that water in henderson has always been kind to me.  i don't know what it is but i always feel so calm when i swim there.  i had my mantra "everythings gonna be alright" in my head the entire way.  i sighted well and felt great getting to the bike until i saw that most of the half bikes were gone at that point.  the negative thoughts started creeping in my head, i cursed a few times, got on my bike and was off.  in one word, the bike course, HELL.  elevation is 7,000 with a 6% grade for the last 6 miles.  i felt myself starting to lose it at mile 52, this was after i had to stop TWICE to fix my chain.  

i finished the climb and thought i was doing okay but there seemed to be less people on the course with me at that point than i anticipated.  what was going on?  i pushed on to T2 and started the run. josh left me some socks, since of course i forgot mine and i smiled at once again the amazing amount of support my utah crew brings.  

i thought for sure i was one of the last on the course.  whatever you do just keep moving forward, do not quit.  it was probably 100 degrees, no shade and literally running in the desert.   i started off well probably about a 9:30 pace.  i used my "walk a cone, run a cone" tactic my two "friends" in st george taught me.  then came the cramping, the feet started to hurt and i swore i was never going to be able to get through 13.1 miles.  i passed my friend josh finishing as i was starting and got discouraged thinking "this is supposed to be my strength!???"  today just wasn't my day.  i was in pain. major pain.   the rest of the miles were a lot more of the same but i somehow managed to cross the finish.  

it will go down as the hardest race i've ever "competed" in but it will also go down as another race i've completed.    final time 7:08:32. 

so as i "swear i'll never sign up for another one"  i'm thinking i wonder what i'll do different for next year.  plus we still have NYC and Cozumel to conquer.   

baby steps, baby.  baby steps. 

if only

if only i wouldn't have stopped for water or for that cramp that got me on mile 3.  if only i would have sprinted a little harder at the finish.  if only my garmin was as accurate as i needed it to be.  if only those damn "ed hardy/bedazzle"  shoes would have increased my cadence by the mere 13 seconds that i missed my PR on today.

a year ago this would have brought me down, it would have made me question my ability once again.  today (even with a pathetic philadelphia eagles loss post race)  it made me happy.  happy that i came that close to my PR in the first place.  A year ago I didn't even know what the hell my PR for a 10K was,  i didn't ever push myself that hard to care.  this time around i started and it certainly changes ones stride.   so i didn't make it this time.  last time i was in a place i thought was perfect.  the last time i made 49:13 (yes i realize this is some people's practice runs)  i was in what i call the "old curry" phase.  then life  happened and the caring went down a bit, i signed up for an ironman, i completed and ironman and the "old curry" started to care again.  i started to care about myself.  me.  i took in selfish and embraced it.

yes, its true i'm always in a "friendly" competitions with the guys during these runs, its just to much fun when i pass them not to be.  but for once, today i took it to a new level.

a new level that had me puking at the finish line, exactly 13 seconds shy of my "new curry"  PR.

pumpkinman half?  you're up next.

a moment of silence please

i still can't look at the images, they are, 10 years later still fresh in my mind.   i am dedicating this blog entry to those who can't run, who can't ride, who can't swim.  those that can't hold their loved ones or tell them they love them anymore.  those who did what they were supposed to do that day, they went to work.  and they, never returned home.

i had a hard time with the aftermath of the september 11th attacks, as many of us did.  i sat in my boyfriend at the times room night after night and cried as he tried to comfort me while trying to figure a way to comfort himself.  the day of the attack we were released from work early, being on the east coast and in finance it was uncertain of what was to come.  was this it?  no one knew.  the emergency service announcements on television were not a test and every station broad casted the events of that day with newscasters holding back tears.  we were all the same that day.

i came home and did the only thing i knew how, i went for a run.   i cried and looked up at the sky usually littered with airplanes, now empty.  i don't know what i thought about or even how far i ran.  but i ran for hope that day.  for hope that it was all just a dream.  this was america.

my good friend Jackie and I will be running in a 10K in studio city, calfornia tomorrow.  and just like the day of the attack i will run in silence, no ipod, no noise.  i'll be running for my friends, my colleagues and my fellow americans who no longer can.

May we remember tomorrow what's important in life.  May we clear the hate from our hearts and go out and inspire someone else to do the same.

God bless those who serve, those lives lost, and each other.  

9-11-2001.  WE WILL NEVER FORGET.

1,2,3 strikes your out?

so i had heard about flats.  i had even seen some on the side of the road.  the defeated look on the bikers face of annoyance mixed with just enough persistence to finish the day's scheduled ride.  or race.

we set out early at 7 am.  it was going to be a hot one.  sunny and close to 100.  unlike my east coast friends battling irene, makes me wonder how i'd train in philadelphia for these things?

 the first one was on the way up, the second was in between and the third was downhill.  i was frustrated by the third one and my east coast lady like personality was alive and in living color.  i really was more mad because flying down that hill is my favorite part of the entire ride and halfway down the third flat on a 45 mile ride reared its ugly head.  lucky for me i have a very patient riding partner who not only holds me accountable for these rides but changes my flats, gives me dating advice, provides me with post ride refreshments when i run out of water and listens to me talk pretty much the entire ride!  for those that know me yes,  he is being nominated for saint hood. either way, it was a good lesson in always riding with a group or with a partner.  just another rule i usually don't follow.

today, sans weekend of a long hill run and 45 mile La Tuna Canyon ride, even with flats i took it easy at the gym.    so i did sprint work via treadmill.  i got up to 11.0 for the first time ever and when i hopped off a guy asked me if i ran track and field, when i replied no, he said you should.   flattered, i was indeed.  more because he thought i was young enough to run track and field still!   and no i did not get his number, he was an old man (hence the track and field reference)  but i'll take it regardless.

the space in between

alright so i realize its been a while.  posts used to be weekly maybe biweekly but never over a month in between.  for those following, all two of you,  i apologize for the delay.  my excuse?  life.

on august 6, my family welcomed a new baby girl, Margaret Kathleen Gomez - "Maggie" into the world. my sister, brave and strong battled a very unexpected and very scary week post little maggie.  never a dull moment in our family and baby and mommy are now at home recovering. 

my nephew, Dangiso, continues to inspire, entertain and amaze us with his athletic abilities.  we are already interviewing potential college teams for ping pong, tennis, soccer, swimming, and baseball and its only a matter of time before he beats me out of being the only ironman in the family. 


i'm trying my best in between to keep up with training and hitting the gym.  my bike seems to be taking the biggest hit this time around, interestingly enough.  for imsg i thought of every excuse to skip the swim and  for cozumel its the bike.  cross training is covered thanks to p90x yoga and my friend heather who introduced to the world of tabata.  just the word itself sounds painful and i can assure you it is. 

the next few months are sure to fly by as quick as the last and before i know it, i'll be sitting seaside with the other gnomies in Cozumel, Mexico with ironman numero dos under my belt.  (God willing) 

i'm looking forward to the month of november as its a full one.   NYC marathon (11/6) , Big Sur half (11/20) and Ironman Cozumel (11/28) .......like i said before.....never a dull moment. 

luck

what is luck?  is luck finding the four leaf clover. the double rainbow or the penny right side up?   luck for me this year was defined quite differently.  it came in the choices i made the consequences i suffered and the obstacles i overcame.  luck to me was simply a word used to describe my choices.

tomorrow i turn 34.

34.

i don't remember life at 3 or life at 4.  i don't recall what decisions i made or paths i took.  i spent most of 33 trying to figure it out.  my faith was restored.  my life was given a purpose.  i spent most of 33 alone trailblazing the in's and out's of triathlon.  i taught myself how to ride with clipless pedals (in my living room of all places),  i braved the triathlon stores looking for the "outfit" that might cover up that muffin top i'd spent years at the bar working on,  i figured out how to shift gears, how to change a tire, how to swim without stopping every 25 meters.  i learned lessons about defeat (thank you havasu) and i learned lessons on victory (thank you st. george)  i re established relationships i thought were lost and sadly i lost  some.  i met people that changed the way i looked at life and changed my life forever and when i thought i'd lost all the support, suddenly it was there again.  within myself.

i now take on 34  with more guts and will demand more glory.  i'm surprised everyday at what i'm capable of.  capable of because of choices i'm making.  i may falter.  i may fall.  but what's important is that i get back up.  i get back up to face the day that God has so willingly granted me.  so 33 you are now a thing of the past.  and 34?  well 34 you my friend have yet to be discovered.

a creature of habit

hitting the pool or gym in general at 5 am never seemed to be a difficult task for me.  it was like having a cup of coffee in the morning.  habit.

after several weeks (more days than i had planned) this morning i was actually able to remove my otherwise exhausted body from the bed and commence training.  the red AND white wine respectively have been put back on the shelf in a once again attempt to keep myself focused and......ready for this one?

attempt to qualify for kona. attempt being the key word here, because the chances of this actually happening are about as much as me finishing my novel before my 35th birthday. 

go big or go home.

they should put this on the warning label

there was a reason i signed up for the nyc marathon prior to completing IMSG.  it was because i had heard in discussions and whispers along the training path that ironman post partum is real and it sucks.  i had also heard that it would help to have something future dated, something to look forward to after you cross your ironman finish.  signing up for NYC was my first attempt at trying to prevent the inevitable, and signing up for cozumel was the final grasp for air.  neither worked.  it seems i've been hit.  with ironman post partum. 

at first it didn't seem so bad i had a week off, finished a 10k pretty strong the following weekend and wrapped it up with a PK monday night spin class.  but then it seemed i fell into a was that enough?  that was it?  i wanted the moments back, i wanted to cross the finish line again, yes, i even wanted the wall back.  i was supposed to feel different than i felt. wasn't i?  more accomplished?  i was supposed to feel like this big weight had been lifted.  i was supposed to feel different than i did.  i was waiting. 

however, while waiting i came to realize that perhaps i am a little to hard on myself. (go ahead laugh, yes its possible i'm just now coming to this conclusion)  perhaps i should stop and remember how hard i worked to get there, what i gave up, and where i was a year ago, 6 months ago, and even 3 weeks ago.  so although i don't look any different (except for the 163 tan lines down my arms)  or feel any different (except my clothes seemed to stop shrinking)  i need to come the conclusion that maybe I AM different.  in the many miles i dropped off some jealousy, a lot of anger, and even some guilt along the way.   so i'll continue this next journey much like i did the last with faith, strength and love, hope for the best and keep on keepin on. 

Race Report - Ironman St. George 2011

i imagine this is what a wedding feels like.  you plan. you spend. you spend some more.  you try your best to get to that "race weight", the day finally arrives. then you blink and its over.  okay so maybe a very long blink.

before i get into this race report.  i want to thank those who helped me get there.  i remember my friend marci telling me you must have the support, make sure you have the support before you go into it.  i had the support and then some.  shit i had enough support for the entire state of utah.   first my family. although they couldnt' be there in person;  my oldest sister was at home celebrating her very first (and long awaited) mother's day.  my middle sister is in her last trimester and busy celebrating her first mothers day with her three stepchildren.  my dad.  well he is my dad. and just like him to not be there but i knew he was tracking me every step of the way.  and finally my mom.  my mother who up until a few months ago didn't even know what an ironman was let alone know that it would require her to stand for 15+ hours in 95 degree heat, wake up at 4am, not eat all day (except for a banana) just so she wouldn't miss a glimpse of her youngest daughter conquering the goal she set one year ago.   my friends whose countless text messages, voice mails, and letters of support pushed me from quarter mile to quarter mile the entire 140.6.   to my angels in heaven who i know carried me through the water and up the hills when my body was starting to fail, i miss you all everyday.   to the volunteers who were in a word. AMAZING.  and finally to Team GT.  a group of athletes who inspire me to be a better person AND athlete each and everyday.  thank you. thank you. thank you.  now the race report......


Two days pre race - after an uneventful 6 hour ride to st george mom and i arrived at the dixie center to pick up packets, get body marked, and prepare for the weekend.   We met up with Team GT at the athlete dinner, ate, discussed race plans and fed off of each others nervous energy.  we listened to the speakers and the rules of the race on saturday.  i'm glad i was there. the announcer told us if the weather turns, take cover.  phew.  i would have had no idea!  no worries on that front because it was scheduled to be 95.  i started to have flashbacks of my first long road race, a record 92 degrees in philadelphia many years ago.

Day before race day
I was glad to have another day to compose myself and just get it together.  it might say detail oriented and organized on my resume but i can admit, i am neither.  i once left my keys in philadelphia after a visit home and had to rent a car for several days after until my mom fed exed them to me.  only to realize i'd left my glasses there too.  and let's not forget the time i drove a hour and half from manhattan beach, ca to henderson, nv for training camp, only to realize i'd forgotten my bike!!!  We met for an early morning swim at sand hollow and i felt terrific.  After the swim, Team GT's resident mom, Sue, had what can only be described as a feast fit for an gnome.   Mdot pancakes and all!  We drove to transitions, i got in a practice ride.  dropped off my stuff and took my VERY patience mom to grab some dinner before heading to the kids' fun run and then straight to bed.

 RACE DAY
i got a great night's sleep and was up before the alarm at 3:30.  i showered, got my cup of coffee and gathered my special needs bags for the day.  hopped on the shuttle in the pitch black, turned up my ipod and before i knew it we were at T1.  Moka braided the hair, which i've now decided is my lucky charm (FYI wheatie you will need to be at every tri with me from now on.  just thought i'd loop you in on that one)
we started the swim with a pre race lady ga ga dance so i was more relaxed than ever before i got into the water.  we made our way to the left side back and then there it was..BOOM.  i felt strong from the start. and the sea of green caps (men) made me feel a little hard core.  i followed next to as many people as i could and the kicks and punches weren't nearly as bad as i'd anticipated.  each buoy seemed to just disappear and in 1:25 i was out of the water and in the transition tent.  this is it, i  thought to myself the worst part is over, now just ride and run.   i was at the tail end of the first loop when i saw moka in what we lovingly call "hawaii"  i knew something was wrong since the bike is my worst and moka is a machine.  she said she wasn't feeling well and i told her we were going to get this done.  we helped each other through the next few miles and almost got called for drafting. really??  i had to laugh a little since i wouldn't know drafting if it slapped me in the face.  then what i'd been waiting for..... THE RUN!

i remember coming out of transition, it was 4:30 i started running and wondered how i was going to do this.  an entire marathon?  and then just like that my legs started moving and there i went. my goal went from finishing before midnight to finishing before 9:30.  funny how that happens.  the course is two loops so while running you encounter people who are on their way to the finish.  i found two new friends who were on their last lap in.  they invited me to run with them and i did walk a cone, run a cone.  the course was hilly and even the pros were walking the hills at that point.  i asked them if they would mind running another loop with me as my pace car but they declined, wished me luck, and sent me on my way.  the second 13 felt like a 5k.  and after seeing my name in lights at the hill turnaround for the second thime. "#163 - C Michels - way to go ironwoman" (thanks wes and lizz)  i was off like it was the first mile of a training run.   on the way down i saw marlene and yelled "we got this".  this was the point where i wished time would just stop.  i picked up my pace and heard several comments from behind "of at that pace you will be there in no time"  i responded with "i'm excited!"  it was around the corner and down the chute.  i sprinted the last several yards and heard those words i'd only dreamed about....

"Curry Michels from Hermosa Beach, California.  YOU ARE AN IRONMAN"

wes ran over and hugged me and as tears streamed down my face i thanked him for getting me there, for changing my life and for just being so freakin GT awesome.

for those worried that the blog is over (i'm hoping there is at least one of you out there)  never fear... first thing i did when i came home was register for Ironman Cozumel.  because hearing mike reilly yell your name and ironman to follow...... will never get old.

IMSG - race highlights 2011