what we finally realize

in life there are many events that try to keep us grounded.  there are events that cause us to judge others no matter how hard we try not to, and forget.  there are events that make us wish we were somewhere else, or with someone else and there are events that make us very glad to be alone.

at 36 and single i find myself having to dodge the unmarried without kids question more often than i would like,  i find myself at events trying to come up with a valid excuse for it all.

society dictates a lot to me.  i'm influenced easily but i'd still like to remain that i'm not.  i want the big house but the truth is i could have afforded it years ago, subconsciously i just never bought it.   maybe life really does have a different plan for all of us, maybe not everyone is supposed to get married and have kids and live with someone.  maybe being social, living far away from family and being different has its benefits  and maybe its time i start acknowledging those events.

i've traveled to Asia to Europe and i can model an international bond like no other.  i can't get myself from point a to b without gps or pronounce a pharmaceutical drug without a hooked on phonics for pharmacists.  i don't have children but ive raised my pitbull to be more of a loving lap dog than the cruel statistic life has to provide.  i've been a bridesmaid more times than i can count and i've been ecstatic for every wedding i've been honored to be a part of.  i have friends all over the world and i've been happy for new life events without any envy.   i have an amazing and absolute family that keeps me grounded and dreaming all in the same breath.  i moved to California with no dreams but simply that i'd find myself. it took ten years and moving to utah that i became happy again.

so you see the paths in life that are supposed to be constructed for us, the ones that society dictates aren't always the ones we should be taking.   it doesnt' make us any better or a martyr or weird. it makes us, us.  and if my next adventure includes me scaling some mountain alone or moving or to another country because it seems fun, then i'm going to do it.  without judgement of myself.  because at the end of the day i'm the only one left to answer the questions society asks.