the holidays

so in due fashion i've decided to race a turkey trot, a trail run turkey trot at quite possibly the hardest canyon los angeles has to offer, topanga canyon.  its okay, i'll finish. who knows in what time but with the sight of turkey and wine at the finish line probably pretty fast.

prior to this "trot"  i'm celebrating the season.  the season is my favorite and quite possibly the most surprising to some that it is.  to me, Christmas is the best time of the year, the time when people turn nice and everyone is happy.  its a time for little ones to believe in santa clause and play make belivie for an entire month.  and oddly my favorite holiday, its the time of year when i am most happy.  for people suffering from depression there isn't a lot that allows for many happy times, but for me Christmas is one of them.  there isn't anything i don't love about it.  i was blessed to have a fantastic holiday upbringing.  my family would celebrate, my middle sister insisting that "santa" wrap all our gifts in different papers.  i would lay in bed and watch the candle in the window until i was to tired to watch for santa anymore. he would never disappoint he was always at our house year after year.  i feel those feelings now before a race.  like Christmas morning, i anticipate what i know will only be the best possible thing God has to deliver.

throughout the years it is unfortunate that i've also lost a few people at this time.  i have watched a few friends suffer the loss of their mothers during the holiday season and although usually wrapped up in racing it has been those losses that have helped me race during the holidays.  i raced nations tri with my friend kelly's mom there cheering me on and at the time, which she did not know, she was dying of pancreatic cancer.  that was the last time i saw her as the person i remember her as.  i spent the following months by her bedside with my good friend saying goodbye to her mom.  i also spent that time with another very close friend of mine who was losing her mom to cancer, she would not be here for the next Christmas.  its hard to lose those during the holidays but its also a reminder of special angels we get at this time each year.  i race because i can.  i used to race because i wanted to prove something to someone but not anymore.

and even though Christmas might be painful for some.  it might be considered a sad holiday if you don't have anyone and perhaps a little lonely if you let it be.   but for me its happy.  i see it as a new beginning every year.  a new way to start, forget the old, honor those in our lives and just live.

merry Christmas and happy holidays to all.