it all comes back to this

tonight i cried in yoga.   i'm not sure why.  as i thought about it more, the line from steal magnolias came into my head when M'Lynn is trying to figure out why Annelle is praying.


Truvy: Maybe she's praying for Marshall and Drew and Belle. Maybe she's praying for us because we're gossiping. Maybe she's praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose! Who knows! She prays a the drop of a hat these days.

Not to say that I cry at the drop of a hat these days, truth is I haven't cried in a long time.   Truvy's response to me might have gone something like this;  "maybe shes crying because she bought and ate cookies for breakfast, maybe shes crying because this yoga class just kicked her ass, maybe shes crying because she turns 36 tomorrow or maybe shes crying because she is just damn happy."

i never know if i am happy or not, never know if i'm lonely or not.  truth is i don't give much attention to my feelings until something like a last hot yoga class as a 35 year old hits me like a ton of bricks.

since my last post a lot has happened, one being i deleted all my photos from picassa hence the big old minus sign you see at the beginning of all my posts. i also quit my job, bought a new car, sold my old car, changed careers, had massive writers block, packed up and drove out to salt lake city, utah.  oh and i became a mormon.  (kidding on the last one)  i like salt lake. it seems to fit me, forces me into a healthier lifestyle.  3 years ago a friend provided me with a book that would serve as a catalyst for me.   i haven't opened that book up in 3 years, today i did and tonight i found the following passage " enlist the people you respect as you commit to achieve your goals"

tomorrow i turn 36.  and 3 years to a reunion i told my mother not to support.  tomorrow i will leave my past behind, my future the focus.  and if for some reason my future isn't what i thought it would be, then i just damn well carry on and sign up for more yoga.