running in place

in my twenties, i felt constant, with the norm.  never wanting to miss an experience.  in my thirties, life seemed to somehow get ahead of me.  the only constant seemed to be me falling behind.  it was like i went from mid pack, to running in place at the starting line.  everyone else was finishing but me.

i used to dare to be different, i even went so far as getting an african american cabbage patch doll when i was a kid just so i didn't have the same "doll" as everyone else.  i wanted a bmx instead of a huffy, i wore vans instead of keds, i played sports but hung out with the stoners. when college came i conformed, joined a sorority but more for the competitive edge of being first in my pledge class then anything else it had to offer. i drove across the country with no job and basically no home, just because i could.  i did an ironman when someone told me i couldn't, i ran a marathon even though most of my friends were the day time drinking kind.  i was never good at making any decisions outside of the athletic kind that were anything like what i was "supposed to do".

racing is a lot like life.  you start off ready to fight the fight, positive, sometimes smiling, and maybe a little scared.  you toe up after months of training, everything planned out.  you eat what you are supposed to eat, you prepare and you know EXACTLY what is going to be ahead of you for the next 30 minutes or 15 hours.  and then you cross the starting line, you shirt starts to rub you the wrong way, your sock slips below your sneaker causing blisters after just a few miles,  your googles fill with water and you get kicked in the leg you had the old injury on.  you get to transition and realize you forgot sunscreen, you become anxious on what the next hours will deliver, your side starts to hurt, you get a flat tire,  your mind starts to wander up the first set up hills, you run out of water, your blister is getting worse, and then you start to feel like you can't take another step, stroke or pedal.  but you do.  your mind wanders again back to the place that reminds you of how you got here in the first place. and you cross that finish line, braver, stronger and more beat up than before.  you adapt.

so next time i think i'm running in place i'll remember all those times i "toed up" to the start line of a race and achieved my own defined success.  daring to be different once again.