Topanga Canyon Trail Race Report

a few months back i got this idea that i wanted to do an ultra.  so i googled what was demographically feasible and then quickly realized that most, if not all, ultras were trail runs.   a trail run was a "road" i'd never traveled.  it was uncharted territory for me and once again doubt set in.  i found an initiation race in topanga canyon, a 10k.  i knew topanga canyon from my old commuting days to woodland hills and  if anything the scenery would prove to be worth the 6.2 miles. at a minimum it was thanksgiving day so i could negate any binging i was going to do later in the day.   

i couldn't convince anyone to participate in my recent decision so i woke up solo on thanksgiving morning ready to hit the trails, alone, a little unprepared and if we are being honest, scared as hell.    the doubt and emotion i had the prior night was something that i had yet to experience.  typically i doubt myself before each race but this doubt was different, this was new, i didn't have experience running trails and like a rookie i showed up in my road ready saconys.   lesson learned on the downhills, buy trail shoes. 

my old coach showed up on his mountain bike to guide me through and as i stepped off the shuttle up the canyon he was the first person i saw, instant relief.  ariel typically makes me very nervous because his expectations of how i should perform are much greater than what i think i'm actually capable of.  but he also has never been incorrect in my times and performance standards.  he instructed me to head up the trail for 10 minutes to get my heart rate up, he followed me up the trail, issuing my always needed accountability.  i turned back at his direction and went down to stretch and get ready to conquer the start of a 3 mile uphill climb.   

at the start i positioned myself mid pack, no ipod (also new), eyed my competition who i might be able to pass, who i should pace with and we were off.  the first three miles were a straight climb up  and i felt stronger with every stride.  the view just kept getting better with each motion.  i started slow in the pack and held back when i wanted to dart ahead.  "slow and steady, slow and steady"  ariel was on the course waiting yelling encouragement and then riding ahead again to meet me a few miles down.  i felt amazing and it sounds strange but i always race better on hills.  i fell in love with everything about this race and i knew it from the moment my feet hit the dirt.  there was nothing flat about this course but "what comes up must also come down"  and i opened up and made up anytime i lost on the uphill climb.  as i picked people off,  i knew i was in contention to place but i wasn't 100% sure so i pushed it out and watched the mile markers to make sure i wasn't going to run out of power.  and then it happened we entered single file switchbacks which made me feel more like i was in the mountains of colorado then los angeles, california.  i navigated the rocks, bumps and trees with my no fear attitude and prayed that i didn't fall and end up in a cast again.  in those last few miles i was lost in myself, truly i was one with the race.    the last hundred yards dumps you out into a fire road and i saw one person in front of me, i sprinted, he picked up his pace and i gunned it, passing him seconds before the finish line.  

i did it.  i finished my first trail run and fell in love again with racing.   

i never used to stick around for awards for a couple reasons, the main one being because i was never anywhere near that kind of recognition.  i also never stuck around because its never really been my style.  then i got home that night and looked at the times.  i placed 2nd in my AG!  and in the top 15 females.    

 i think God has finally given me my calling, in trail running.  i haven't fallen for anything in  a long time mostly from fear but on thanksgiving day i fell. and i fell hard, for trail running. i love it.  

so God willing bring on the ultra.  

i'm ready.  

the holidays

so in due fashion i've decided to race a turkey trot, a trail run turkey trot at quite possibly the hardest canyon los angeles has to offer, topanga canyon.  its okay, i'll finish. who knows in what time but with the sight of turkey and wine at the finish line probably pretty fast.

prior to this "trot"  i'm celebrating the season.  the season is my favorite and quite possibly the most surprising to some that it is.  to me, Christmas is the best time of the year, the time when people turn nice and everyone is happy.  its a time for little ones to believe in santa clause and play make belivie for an entire month.  and oddly my favorite holiday, its the time of year when i am most happy.  for people suffering from depression there isn't a lot that allows for many happy times, but for me Christmas is one of them.  there isn't anything i don't love about it.  i was blessed to have a fantastic holiday upbringing.  my family would celebrate, my middle sister insisting that "santa" wrap all our gifts in different papers.  i would lay in bed and watch the candle in the window until i was to tired to watch for santa anymore. he would never disappoint he was always at our house year after year.  i feel those feelings now before a race.  like Christmas morning, i anticipate what i know will only be the best possible thing God has to deliver.

throughout the years it is unfortunate that i've also lost a few people at this time.  i have watched a few friends suffer the loss of their mothers during the holiday season and although usually wrapped up in racing it has been those losses that have helped me race during the holidays.  i raced nations tri with my friend kelly's mom there cheering me on and at the time, which she did not know, she was dying of pancreatic cancer.  that was the last time i saw her as the person i remember her as.  i spent the following months by her bedside with my good friend saying goodbye to her mom.  i also spent that time with another very close friend of mine who was losing her mom to cancer, she would not be here for the next Christmas.  its hard to lose those during the holidays but its also a reminder of special angels we get at this time each year.  i race because i can.  i used to race because i wanted to prove something to someone but not anymore.

and even though Christmas might be painful for some.  it might be considered a sad holiday if you don't have anyone and perhaps a little lonely if you let it be.   but for me its happy.  i see it as a new beginning every year.  a new way to start, forget the old, honor those in our lives and just live.

merry Christmas and happy holidays to all.

Directional change straight to Utah

sometimes when i watch them cross the finish line i have their stories told in my head but i never had these stories told.  i never had the stories told of those i looked up to.  humility is a trait possessed by so few and difficult to master in those that attempt it.  most of the time greed and selfishnesses take over and ultimately win.  not with them.  never with them.

i'm still not sure how i managed to travel to an unknown city for four days of training for an Ironman with people i'd never met when sometimes its challenging to go to a new restaurant with new friends. but then again this is how i found out about faith.

the first "story" i heard was from a girl i'd already passed judgement on.  she is now one of my best friends.  the second story came a year later from a friend who decided to just give her kidney away as a means of giving back.  humble?  yes, this was the pure raw definition of humility. turns out there was a lot more to HER story.  there were a few in between stories that i was more surprised at one by one, surprised not because of the intensity but in awe that here i was feeling sorry for myself, yelling for someone to hear and take notice and all the while God planted it right there in front of me.  they were brought to me all at one time but their impact i would realize along the way, years later.   there was death, there was almost death, there was addiction, there was hate, disappointment,  embarrassment and anger, there was a lot of anger.  but that anger is now redistributed.   it has three contenders.... swim. bike. run.

people challenge themselves in life for many reasons and the challenges, they may vary.  i challenged myself to live life, to put the past in the past and to allow myself to be sad sometimes, to still be angry, and that its always okay to cry.  the tears the year after i met my new friends were tears of joy. tears when i alone achieved crossing the finish line of an all day race, twice.  God doesn't grant me always sunny days and sometimes he gives me a new story about an old friend to remind me why i started triathlons in the first place.

now excuse me, i have to go run.

i'll take it

there were two full days of being a complete bitch and feeling sorry for myself.  i'm not sure i'm over the complete bitch part and still feel bad for the parking attendant that had to deal with me exiting the doctors office parking garage.   years ago i might have welcomed the break and some might think, based on the way i talk, that i might have welcomed it this time around.....but i did not. i do not.

a few years ago i injured my ankle in a "just for fun"  soccer league in santa monica.  i got slide tackled by a guy and to date have never been in so much pain (note i have no children)  i was on bed rest for weeks and in a cast on my right leg for 16 weeks.  it was in typical stubborn form i allowed no help and listened selectively when the doctors told me to take it easy.  either way it was after that injury that i vowed to never take my ability to run for granted again, ever.  pulling me away from activity is like pulling a pacifier out of a babies mouth and the results, the same, kicking and screaming resumes and the end result is never good.

when i crashed on my bike i didn't feel it was a big deal, i rode after and chalked up the days following to "stiffness".  i visited the doctor to appease some people and thought maybe i sprained it.  turns out there was a little more.

i had two races on my calendar.  malibu and los angeles.  i had never raced either one and had both on my agenda for very different reasons.  the first was malibu.   it was the first race i would be doing solo. it was also the first race i watched someone else complete as their first triathlon.  i was excited to conquer this one alone because recently i realized it was my own journey.   the second was la also with a bit of a new beginning.  i won't and didn't compete in either and i have to know (this is impossible sometimes)  that this is in God's plan.

i also realize that i have so much to be thankful for and sometimes you need a kick in the rear to understand this.  of course it doesn't make the process any easier but it does make me think that there are different roads to travel, different paths to take.   there are breaks (or dislocations with torn ligaments) one needs in life, to just slow down.

i'm a little worried what the next few weeks will bring, someone put a bunch of chocolate in the trading room and i've already helped myself to a little to much.  someone was also already staring at me as i tried to run with the pup in DTLA. but i'll take a break. because as it turns out i'm not that crazy 20 year old anymore.  i'm now that fearless 35 year old and i'll pay the price even if it means a cast for 3 weeks (which i just negotiated down to 2 weeks, 6 days)

11 years later

this morning when i woke up i forgot.  maybe i tried to forget on purpose.  i went through my morning routine, tuned into cnbc and was reminded by the moment of silence on the somber new york stock exchange floor.

i stood there for a what seemed like much longer than a minute and began to once again tear at the mere thought of the events 11 years ago.  as the day progressed i got a little angry that people weren't more dedicated to the day.

i didn't run today although i now wish i had.  running was the escape i had 11 years ago when we were sent home from work.  i ran far, i ran fast and i ran silent.

the one question i get asked time and time again is what do you think about when you run? sometimes i don't have a good answer for that question because truthfully sometimes i just run to finish.  but not that day.  that day i ran to forget.  just like i tried to do this morning when i saw the calendar marked 9/11.

for the lives lost and the new lives that became of it.

i run.

back in the game.... i think

To be nobody-but-yourself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

 -ee cummings

i have a bad (or somewhat) interesting habit of jumping in full throttle.  my friend noticed this at my first attempt at mountain biking in which he described the "curry no fear" technique as i flew over rocks, weaving in and out of trees and finally stopping with an exclamation of "i freaking love mountain biking!"

over the course of the past few years i've seemingly stepped up my game. not really on purpose. and its not just with sports, its everything i do.  passion? stupidity? curiosity?  most likely a mix of all three.  i'm so indecisive about so much, choosing an item from a dinner menu.... red or white.... renting or owning.... leasing or buying.... and i'm convinced i wear so much black, grey and white just so i don't have to mix and match colors everyday.

on the flip side when i find something that works, it works. end of story.

my trifecta of the swim, bike, run was also a leap of faith. the ironman(s), my reward.  this season started with a head first dive as well.  i was on track for a great season and i had a great couple of races.  then i lost my edge, fell off the wagon and headed back down the road i'd seen time and time again.  except this time it wasn't so dark, more just a little break from it all. but as with everything the extremist in me appeared and i let my bike and swim go.  these past weekends i've been hitting all three in preparation for my two oly's coming up, including the ocean swim part.  and it feels great.

i'm not sure what i'll jump into next and i'm a little scared to be honest.  and yes, there are times when i wish i could be a little less passionate/stupid/curious.  and sometimes i fear the passion has died.  but then i remember why i started in the first place and i go for it again.

head first, of course.

no ironmen allowed....

as i stumbled my way back into the gym this week and attempted to kick out a 5 miler on said treadmill    (i've been doing more sprint work than distance so i wasn't exactly embracing the 40 or so minute run that awaited me)  i found a working treadmill (finally) turned on SC, started with the up button and heard "no ironmen allowed on these treadmills"

 he struck up a conversation with me, noticing my finisher shirt and told me he had just sub 13'ed CDR.  we chatted a bit re la and malibu i mentioned my goals at both, we discussed times, he looked impressed when i said i did st. george.  (secretly i love the reaction i get when i tell people this, my first one and most arguably the hardest course in the circuit, yes this is bragging a little, i surprised myself and this goes with the if i can do it, ANYONE can do it)

the run that night was fantastic and again i surprised myself, i like when this happens.  as many know montgomery has reset my priorities in training but he has also reset my priorities in life.  he is the best addition now and always.  i've got two oly's coming up and my bike tires are still flat.  i contemplated heading back to "just running" and then remembered i like the mix of events, the unfamiliar.  i enjoy the swim now and i LOVE the run and the bike is my challenge.  i didn't start these events for an easy road but yet to challenge myself.   so here goes the challenge, september is going to be a good month.  two olympics and hoping to podium, God willing.  being bumped up in AG helps too.

i reflect back to a blog post from my amazing friend/pseudo coach lizz, following my first ironman...http://www.gppfitness.com/endurance/2011/5/11/ironman-st-george-2011-re-cap.html

so tonight i walked the pup and put some air in the giant avail II tires.  just because we were on a break doesn't mean we stopped.

Friday the 13th.

tomorrow i turn 35.   35.  five years away from 40.  number 13 the first time i "inhaled" a cigarette at erin mooneys pool. 21 entered legal drinking and a limo ride. 26 was a brave venture out to the west coast to find the missing piece.  and at 33 i lost a piece.  


and oddly enough,  i feel more ready than ever to face the future.  dare i say, i'm excited?  


i started the 2012 racing "season" with a handful of races.  a dualthon in which i podiumed for the first time ever. killed my PR in a very hilly 10k.  averaged 20.4 in an olympic on the bike and finished my 4th marathon in 3:55.  i made the decision to give myself the summer off (well technically the puppy made that decision for me) but i will admit its nice to just sit back and relax for once.  a little less pressure on myself.  my workout goals are geared more toward clearing my head than anxiously prepping for a race, stalking my competition and trying to remember if i remembered my googles, bike, and sneakers!  i'm enjoying the view.  its a sweet, sweet change. 


triathlons are probably the only sport where being in your "30's and 40's" place you in your  prime.  so there you have it people... at 35 i've seemingly landed myself smack in the middle of my prime. 


HBTM. 

invisible dreams

a few years ago i made a decision to start the sport of triathlon.  i finished a super sprint in hermosa beach california and you would have thought i conquered mount Everest.  in my mind that day i did.  i swam in the ocean "competitively", i rode a hybrid bike with a funny helmet and the anxiety of being last to the finish line diminished as i made my way into transition to the 5k run along an all to familiar course of the strand. the strand is a cement walkway that runs the length of the beach and the view never gets old.  if there is one item from my beach days that i miss its long morning runs along the strand.

after the super sprint i decided i wanted to try another one. i wasn't "hooked" per se but i needed and wanted a new challenge.  to me it was more like the thrill of chasing the next goal not so much the sport itself.   i completed a Olympic distance next in washington dc in the pouring rain with a new bike, googles and a wetsuit that i owned and a run with support of family and friends.   and then in the true spirit of chasing down the dream i signed up for an ironman distance triathlon.  i knew nothing more than i knew when i signed up for that super sprint but i knew myself and what i was capable of and i was pretty sure it would allow me to lose the last ten pounds i'd been working on for the majority of my lifetime.  it didn't and in fact i think i might have gained some weight just this time more from 4 am workouts and two a days then from a small pizza and ice cream post bender at the bar.  and even if i still looked the same i didn't feel the same.  and that was the important part that i needed to be concerned with.

it got me here. where i needed to be today.  i've stopped trying to plan five years ahead and been okay with "the moment"  this comes and goes and i can't say that tomorrow i'll be back to not wanting the unattainable.  i spend to many nights wondering if i'll ever lose that extra ten pounds,  if i'll ever accomplish the high invisible goal i've set for myself.  i hung up training.  i left my coach.  my bike tires are flat and my googles haven't had a run at the water in probably a month.  but my running shoes still come out on top.  my navy blue nike shorts that i have literally owned for 10 years are still my favorite and i still change outfits 16 times before hitting the gym.  and i've finally been okay with this.

because even if i'm unsure of this dream, i'm still finding a way to live in the moment.

what was missing

i found it. 

 for years i've struggled with a missing link, what my purpose was in life, how to rechannell my energy to something that i felt would fill the void that i'd only heard so many talk about.

 "the weight was lifted"

 i'd waited for that. i did. i started endurance racing hoping that was the answer but found out later it was just a step.  a step in a direction that i had no idea where or what was going to come of it but it felt right. and nothing about it led me to belivie, this is where it would take me. 

one of my favorite quotes (outside of everything robert frost) is by Deepak Chopra; it says

"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.”

now i will admit when i first read this quote it was at a time in my life that i didn't want to hear it . it was along the lines of "everything happens for a reason" the number one quote that made me want to punch someone in the face at the very sound of.  but now, as time does, it healed. it healed the wounds and brought greater meaning to the verse.
i have had so many things taken from me that i trickled down the path of "woe is me" where that got me was straight back to the dead end of nothing. it wasn't until i started living that i realized everything does happen for a reason. there are people (or four legged friends) that cross our paths to shape us into who we should be, who we are capable of being, and lifting that rock. maybe not all at once, but in small increments that makes the whole puzzle come together.

my new love is my puppy, Montgomery, he is in a word, perfect. he is perfect because even if i got him a week earlier i'm not sure it would have worked. he came into my life at exactly the right moment. the moment when God thought i was faltering, i was giving up hope once again. so that "weight" might not be fully lifted but the love i have for "monty" and the love he has for me is indescribable. its what i need, right now at this moment.

he is my new running buddy, my new hiking buddy, and my new reason to get the hell out of bed each day.  oh yea... and he's a pit, described as head strong.   you can't say the apple falls very far from the tree.

rematch - la marathon

number 4 is in the books.  i had a rematch with 26.2 in the streets of los angeles on sunday and based on how my legs feel today i might say the streets won.  based on my time i'll call it a tie.

i sat down to write the race report yesterday, started typing and stopped.  i hit delete and went to bed.

i hit delete because the entire post was negative.  the entire post.

the race report on the marathon is short.  the weather was supposed to be rainy, cold, and windy.  in fact, i sat at lunch the day prior talking myself out of even participating.  for those that know me they realize this was never ACTUALLY going to happen but i wanted a buffer in case i crashed and burned.   so i complained, got myself a handicap and prayed to the holy heavens that the wind and rain would not screw up my hopes of doing well.   my coach, said to me before the race "you are not a runner, you are a triathlete"  not a runner?  that is all i've ever known was to be a runner.  in addition, to this new conversation with my coach, i had another conversation with my friend jonathan who mentioned something about boston marathon and qualifying and just like i downplay everything else i think my response was "oh i have no desire to qualify for boston"

so here is what was supposed to happen...

i wasn't supposed to go out like a competitive freak and start the first 6 miles wondering if my garmin was off because there was no way in hell i was running 7:30 miles in a MARATHON! then it wasn't supposed to be perfect running conditions with blue skies and minimal wind.   i wasn't supposed to look up in a sea of 25,000 at the start line and happen to be standing literally right next to jonathan who i left 20 minutes prior.  for the record, i also wasn't supposed to catch up to him running through echo park.  it was a bitter sweet moment because as much as my competitive drive was excited to be up there with the 3:25 pace group i knew i had no business being there that early in the game.  for the life of me i couldn't slow down, i knew i had to, i knew it was going to break me later in the course but i couldn't do it. so i kept moving and then we hit beverly hills.  i knew only one persons exact location on the course and it was that of my awesome friend, jackie glenn.  she is an athlete herself and always a support system for me while running.  she mentioned she would be outside of neimann.  i looked for her with as much excitement as i search for joe joe's at Christmas time in Trader Joes.  i needed something to keep me going.  i saw her i think before she even saw me and i screamed "jackie!"  i got the push i needed for another few miles.

and then it hit me.  oddly enough right outside of my old office.  that sure as hell wasn't supposed to happen either.

there comes a time when you are out there on the course that you start to question everything.  you question your ability.  your reason for being  there. you have a mind set of what is supposed to happen.

but as with anything in life, we need to learn to adapt.  so i beat myself up yesterday for being on track for a 3:30 or even a 3:40 and dropping to a finish of 3:55.  and i'll take it. it's still a PR (new york was 3:58)  and like many things these past few years.  nothing was SUPPOSED to happen, but it did.  and that is why i'm now a triathlete.

oh and my boston qualifier?  its 3:40 which i googled just as soon as i got home that night.  i'm thinking i'll see beantown in 2013.

space book and podiums

one week ago tomorrow marks the beginning of lent and my attempt at no facebook for 40 days.

as a child, i remember going to the school chapel and having ashes placed on my forehead each ash wednesday. back then, the only thing it "signified" was something i had to do without, something i had to give up.   on occasion i gave up sweets and then later in life gave a run at no cursing until i realized that working on a trading floor would make that impossible, probably even for Jesus himself.

every year i would try and every year i would make it on average 3-4 days and give up.  eventually i got to the point where lent would come and go and so i gave up, giving up.

people ask me all the time "have you always been an athlete?"   this question is difficult for me to answer because up until earlier this year, even after two ironman finishes and a sub 4 hour NYC marathon in less than 6 months, i still had a hard time calling myself an athlete.   the answer to this question is yes and no.  yes, my parents had me on the soccer field while all my girlfriends were off trying to meet their thin mint quotas.  in fact, i have several soccer photos with me being the one and only girl on the team. then, i used sports as leverage to leave catholic school for the local public school (there were sports at the public school and there were also boys!)  and then again in high school i was chasing  my sister around the lacrosse field and also chasing the social scene with the same drive and determination.  i was the only person in high school that could talk her way out of a detention i received as a direct result of TALKING in class.

And no, because i always felt like there were people better than me, faster than me and that meant that i wasn't an athlete.  i was wrong.  it took me 34 years to figure it out but last weekend i made the podium for the first time ever in a race. first place, a small race but i'll take it.  turns out there are people i'm faster than, quite a few actually.  and today marks 6 days with no facebook.

success, its a beautiful thing.

trust your struggle

sometimes life seems to move at warp speed.  days turn into weeks, months into years. and for a long time it seemed that nothing was changing at all for me.  it was if the world was moving and i was standing still.

stuck.

one year ago i signed up for a triathlon training camp in st george utah.  my reason being it would allow me to preview the ironman course and hold me accountable to do so. i went into the experience with the expectation of getting in a very expensive four day workout.

what i came away with, was much, much more.  i started to move that weekend literally and emotionally.  i let my guard down, felt a few (not all) weights lift and met my utah "family".  and less than a year later i found myself exiting the 15 North Freeway on my way to St. George, once again to race.

when i started "racing" in 2000 it was for a 10 miler down broad street in philadelphia.  i had hopes of just finishing and now this, a 10 miler,  is my training run.  the day before my first ironman i received numerous texts, emails and phone calls from people that humbled me in a way that is unimaginable. one of these emails came from my oldest sister who would send me pictures at the most pivotal points in my life,  the first being when i had my heart broken and the second when i went to repair it.  i recall the day vividly it was the day before ironman and i had drug my mom around to every last training event there was, she was a trooper.   my sister sent me an email with a picture that said "trust your struggle".  it was in that moment that i broke into tears and was overcome for the first time with ultimate emotion.  its true that when you feel you have nothing else to lose, as i felt that day, that you can achieve whatever lies before you. because the alternative is really nothing worse than what you have already experienced.  

if i failed it wouldn't matter because whatever was next was better than where i had been.  two years later i'm ready to admit that, ready to face the fear and ready to move on.

i've since been killing PR's like it was my second job.  i've come to the conclusion that no matter what lies ahead is only because one year ago i decided to "trust my struggle", dig deep and accomplish.

the road is long from here, i know that.  and as robert frost once said:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

st george was just another city on the map.  it was in utah and that was all i knew.  today its my ultimate inspiration.

the past: is just that.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

-Theodore Roosevelt

on december 31, 2010 at midnight i was asleep.  i wanted the entire year washed away so quickly that i think i thought if i slept through the ball drop into 2011 i could sleep away the events of the preceding 365 days.  it didn't work.   

on december 31, 2011 at midnight i was in a very different place, hollywood to be exact, but a very different place all together more importantly.

among other things i've decided this year to get serious.  serious.  yes, serious about racing.  i said before, in prior posts and my pre 2012 life that i wasn't going to become "that racer", "that triathlete", "that person"  whatever any of those meant exactly it wasn't going to be me.  however, in a very short period of time i've realized that i actually can become that person.  i can reach the time goals i never set because i thought no one, including myself,  ever believed it was possible.  the years were more like a grand brigade of self pity,  i suppose.  and then i spent a few hours with a great deal of support that God sent to me, i thought about things i never thought about  and realized i might actually be capable of all these things.  in life AND in racing.

its true we all have to deal with reality of situations.  reality of life.  which perhaps then is pure irony or God's awesome sense of humor rearing its head that he brought me to a place called Reality LA.  i'll let you do the googling and won't profess to any what i've come to know. but through this new "reality", new guides that i humbly call friends and new life that i'm about to get started on, the race calendar which used to include nothing but races i thought would look "good on paper"  has now become my step to the greater part of whats ahead.  because it's not about the past.  it never was, really.  it was always about the future.  my future.  the greater plan.

this evening i overheard a friend close a casual phone conversation with God Bless.  i liked it.  so to all my guides, my support, and my dream givers (you know who you are)

thank you and God Bless.